My experiences in life and with Vippasana......

 

 

Questions that arose in the mind remained unanswered. What were these questions? Well let me try and articulate some of the questions :-

Q: What is the reason people go to temples so far away, stand in long serpentine lines for long hours, struggle and jostle in crowds just to look for one second at a diety's idol? Temples are meant to give you peace of mind and harmony, and I always landed up feeling insecure and unsafe standing in between huge crowds and being pushed constantly. Once my 2 year old son was about to be crushed and I had to put him on my shoulders. I always felt why have I come here? Belief and faith is a very good thing and definitely shapes the mind. But I somehow never developed this belief and faith.
 

Q: Why is a woman who is undergoing her monthly periods not allowed to undertake any activity related to prayer of enter inside a temple?.... A woman's body has a natural mechanism of shedding the unimpregnated mass of flesh which would have otherwise formed a womb for a child. Why is that considered impure.. isnt it a biological process of creation by which all of us were born in this world? In olden days, there wasnt a concept of sanitary napkins and bleeding could become visible, so that could have been a a reason for women having periods to be isolated in their houses. Some people explain that it is because women are not supposed to exert themselves on these days as they are bleeding. In olden days, all work at home used to be done manually by the women and this was a way of  giving them rest. Is it applicable today in a world where women are on the helm of affairs in the corporate world, in sports, arts etc.? What happens when there are important conferences, sports matches, tournaments, cultural programs etc. during those days? Do women cancel it because they have bleeding? Then why even today, women are not allowed to enter temples on the days of periods?

Q: What is the meaning of the sankrit verses that are recited at each function by the great priests and why is it necessary to do all the "hawans" and elaborate rites and rituals in today's world of technology and convenience? ... I have tried asking many priests, and rarely one or two could even just explain the process and its significance. Of late there are a lot of books available on the internet on Vedanta philosophy which does give some plausible explanation of all the rites and rituals that have been passed down from generation to generation. What is amiss that we do not achieve what was supposed to be achieved by doing these rites. The realisation in the person's  mind of sacrifice and developing an attitude of sacrifice is the main idea behind most "yajnas" and "homams". But how many of us truly practice this in our daily life?

These questions and many other such related to religion were always  troubling my mind because there was no logic in what was being told to follow blindly. Being an engineer only furthered my inquisition into the logic of things and if I didnt get the apt answer, the practice was ceased forthwith. This kind of attitude was not taken nicely by the elders and they were hurt, as they have been following everything taught by their parents. But could I suppress my inquisitive nature to question and believe in what I sincerely feel is right.  What is it that I felt was right? Well, one principle learnt by me in my life , thanks to the tough training I got in my teens is that " Mind is the most powerful organ in our body, in fact mind controls the body." I knew this in a very superficial way by self experience. I could never run as a child. When I joined training, the first week we were taken for a run by our seniors .. I had to run 14 kms... I had not run more than 1 km in my life and I used to get sick quite often.. I contributed a lot to the pharmaceutical industry in my childhood. I used to live on antibiotics till I was in school. Once I joined training, for three and a half years of my cadets training, I never got fever even once. Why? Because the mind was occupied trying to survive in the new menacing environment and get used to the new way of life. It was an incredible transformation. I became much stronger, determined and developed tremendous will power to do things which others would consider difficult or even impossible. Thus I evolved from a boy to a fully grown man. Well, I thought so, but did I really grow up? I enjoyed myself thoroughly with all pleasures of life at the young aghe, namely biking, drinking, smoking, girlfriends etc. etc. Being a bachelor and staying in Colaba in Mumbai was a great opportunity to enjoy all these things. In fact , I stayed in Cochin, Visakhapatnam, and Mumbai in my bachelor days serving on board ships and submarines and in every place had my full share of enjoyment. Time flew very fast and soon it was time to settle down in life, and so at the ripe age of 27 yrs I got married with a beautiful girl.( It was an arranged marriage).

 I became a family man, married with a beautiful wife and two kids and continued to live life with the theory of keeping your mind strong and facing life bravely. There were many ups and downs and my wife used to tell me at times that I  am too insecure and self oriented. I never believed her and chided her saying that it was my expereince and I know what to do in different situations because of my experience. Whenever we go out for any movie or function, I used to be insecure about reaching early and getting the tickets or good seats etc. When I drove, I used to try and show my skills in reaching faster and always used to feel that no one can drive better than me. These were the result of  experiences and evolution of the mind by experiences in this huge bad world.  Whenever I used to teach my child and he did not understand a very basic principle in any subject, I couldn't control myself and used to shout at him since I had already explained it thrice to him and still he looked blank.Till I reached the age of 36, life went on and all the questions in my mind remained unanswered and I did not have the time or inclination to introspect or seek answers.

 I started introspection in 2008 when I joined an "Art of Living " class. In that they asked me  " Who are you?" and everytime I answered something they again aksed the same question. Well it was aimed at making me see the truth but I could never understand a thing. And then there again I saw "blind belief" in people getting fruits, flowers and sweets for a great living person. While I enjoyed the "Sudarshan kriya" a breathing technique taught by them, the concept of diefying a living person was against my principles. I started running marathons at this time and I found my mind getting calmer as I ran.

In 2011, I joined  a "Sahaj Yoga" camp and here I realised something great. When I was meditating, I felt some sensations on the top of my head and I  learnt about the chakras in our body. But the questions were still unanswered. In 2012, one of my dear friends and colleague, Krishnan told me about this 10 days course called Vippasana. I just listened, not attentively as I thought it to be another similar course  where I would not be able to achieve anything. But as time flew, I do not know what happened , but I decided in 2012 to try this thing out. So I enrolled for the course online as it was being conducted at Mumbai where I was living  and  I just needed to take 10 days leave.  Thus my journey into the "Valley of Answers" started.

Vippasana was an eye opener. It was an amazing , out of life experience for me. It was as if the locked door of knowledge was opened. While I write this I would confess that to put my thoughts on paper will not be easy and may not be understood by many, because Vippasana is not something that can be spoken and heard and understood. It is about experiencing it by each person for himself/ herself and developing an understanding on their own. The teachers only teach the method of practice and once you start practicing it and you understand the concept, life changes totally. Mind settles down, world becomes a beautiful place, you start relating to all natural things around yourself and start understanding reality. All my questions have started getting answered now. I have realised the futility of so many practices and habits that I had been following from childhood. It is all about the mind - body interaction and how the ego and habits cloud a human beings mind and do not allow him/ her to observe reality.  Again, for  a person not into spirituality, these words may seem to be heavy and unrealistic, that is why I had clarified earlier that this is an experiential thing which cannot be explained in words and understood by listening or seeing others.

I had never read our scriptures namely "Vedas". "Bhagwad Gita" etc. earlier. However, after doing Vippasana, I started reading the "Bhagwad Gita" and all that is written there and what I experienced started to match and correlate beautifully. This was a magical thing for me. I started joining the dots. I joined Bhagwad Gita sessions and discussed Vippasana with quite a few people. I found that most  people with whom I spoke, seemed to be really interested in listening to me and when I started telling them about Vippasana and the knowledge that I had gained, I went on for 1 -2 hours and they were all ears. This was true with my friends, my aunt etc. but not with my parents and some other people. I tried to  talk to them, but they used to feel and tell me that what I was doing and practicing is not possible by all and it is very difficult for a normal person to practice all this. Initially, because of my ego, I started arguing with them, and then when I introspected by doing Vippasana, and understood my mistake. I am supposed to be equanimous in all situations, so I needed to accept the reality. This is experiential learning and their mind was not yet ready to experience this. So I stopped arguing and just followed my practice regularly. Every person has to realise it for himself and only when he/ she will have  a desire to seek knowledge about self, have questions to be answered will the doors of knowledge open. In this fast paced world, not many have the luxury of spending time with themselves, so it is a difficult proposition.

Bhagwad Gita understood by me after Vippasana was an amazing experience. It is a great book to have and read daily as every time you read it, new depth of understanding happens. The best part is that now, it is no longer about " Krishna" and "Arjuna" but  "Self" and "consciousness" and therefore the logical answers that I was searching for are all available and as it gets deeper and deeper with more practice, more clarity starts coming on the answers. Unknowingly, attitudes and habit patterns in life have also changed for the better. My wife says that I am no longer insecure and take things calmly and have completely stopped shouting at children when I teach them. ( earlier, I used to get worked up if they don't understand after two-three times of explanations). When I shout at them sternly , I do it with a calm mind with an aim to stop them from doing wrong. The state of mind is the most important thing and learning to accept yourself and the weaknesses after observing them is the key to conquering those very weaknesses. That is how nature is, the more you accept it after observation, the weakness starts reducing on its own. This is a beautiful game of your mind and thoughts and Vippasana is a methodology to play this game and learn as you play.